Notes taken from a lecture given by Sh. Musleh Khan
1.Problem: Men are ungrateful towards wife, never thanking or appreciating her efforts
Solution: Follow sunnah of Prophet (S). He never said that he didn't like the food the servant made for 10 years, never rebuked him or yelled at him or hit him. Men should try to build content with what wife does and give something back. If you don't like something, still do something for her and kindly tell her.
Side note- Ibn Taymiyyah (R) said it depends on wife's culture if she has to cook or clean. If she had servant growing up, husband must get servant for her waajib.
2. Problem: Women forget to put on internal hijab but has external hijab, she has bad character, heart, attitude, gossip, lies, etc.
Solution: Clean heart and have internal hijab
3. Problem: Men lists all women's faults and covers his own faults
Solution: Prophet (S) women created from bent rib so treat them gently (doesn't come naturally to men to be gentle like it does for women)
4. Problem: Women tell their friends about husbands' family and problems, but tells them it's a secret (biggest backbiting is against spouse)
Solution: Stop gossip and backbiting (unless need help?)
5. Problem: Men spending too much time outside and not helping/supporting wife and spending time with her at home
Solution: When men has to leave house, think about wife and don't stay long. Let her know when you leave, where you're going, what you're doing, when you'll be back, pick up her calls, etc.
Side note- Sh. Musleh gives example of a couple that he attended their wedding and the husband asks for coffee. Wife brings coffee and he says he wants another brand of coffee. She throws the cup against the wall and marriage ends right there. They were married for 2 days and got to know one another for 3 years and spent thousands on wedding. Happened six years before this lecture and both are still single.
Another example-Sh. Musleh trying to save a marriage and the main problem is that the husband would leave without telling wife what he's doing and she suspected haraam. Found out there's no haraam, but when she'd call him he wouldn't answer because husband doesn't like when wife bugs him.
6. Problem: Women nag and repeat things and bicker
Solution: If there's a problem, wait for most appropriate time to address problem (not when he comes home from work). A good time can be during a car ride.
7. Problem: Men spending too much time on technology and neglecting family, even ordering wife to bring food for you
Solution: Don't neglect family responsibilities
8. Problem: When men are in a bad mood, women don't comfort him or push his buttons (do something he doesn't like on purpose)
Solution: Be considerate and comforting, or give him time to calm down and then comfort
Side Note- In Ontario, in the first 2 years of marriage, the divorce rate is 65%
9. Problem: Men monitor women's modesty, conduct, and character but not fix his self (like watching haraam things)
Solution: Keep yourself away from haraam too
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